|
Youth,
Abstinence, and the
One-Flesh Union
Paul A. Twelker
Professor Emeritus of Psychology
Trinity College
Trinity International University
Deerfield, Illinois
This article discusses the biblical concept of the one-flesh union, recent research findings on sexuality among Christian youth, and ways to foster abstinence.
Introduction
The One-Flesh Union
Fostering Abstinence
To What Extent
Does Guilt Prevent More Sexual Activity?
To What Extent
Does Religion Affect You?
Do You Want to
Marry a Virgin?
How Much is Your Sexual Behavior Influenced by Parents’
Thinking?
What is the Marital Status of Your Parents?
Do Youth Who
Have Masturbated Engage in More Sexual
Behaviors Than Youth Who Have Not Masturbated?
Do
Christian College Youth Behave Similarly
to Secular College Youth?
Reflections
References
Readers of this document are permitted to download any portion provided "all such use is for . . . personal
noncommercial benefit." Please cite the document as follows: Twelker, Paul A.
(2002). Youth, Abstinence and the One-Flesh Union.
Paper presented at the American
Association of Christian Counselors 2002
Super Conference, Dallas, Texas, April
24-26, 2002. Internet resource available at URL:
<http://www.kamsandsinfo.com/Professional/AACC_Paper.htm
> (last updated March 07, 2009). Copyright ©
2002 Paul A.
Twelker.
What is the
Marital Status of Your Parents?
As shown in
Tables 42 through 46, the following sexual
behaviors were not related to the marital
status of parents: masturbation (χ2=.591,
p=.442),
sexual fantasy (χ2=.107,
p=.743), petting
(giving) (χ2=.555,p=.456),
oral sex (giving) (χ2=.026
p=.871), and oral sex (taking) (χ2=2.36,
p=.125).
Table 42. The Relationship between
Masturbation and Parent's Marital Status
|
|
Ever masturbated?
|
Total |
|
Yes |
No |
|
|
Parent's marital
status
|
Married |
74.1% |
77.8% |
75.4% |
|
Separated
Divorced
Widowed
|
25.9% |
22.2% |
24.6% |
|
Total
|
|
100.0%
(212)
|
100.0%
(126)
|
100.0%
(338)
|
Table
43. The Relationship of Sexual
Fantasy to Parent's Marital Status
|
|
Ever had a sexual fantasy?
|
Total |
|
Yes |
No |
|
|
Parent's marital
status
|
Married |
74.5% |
76.9% |
74.8% |
|
Separated
Divorced
Widowed
|
25.5% |
23.1% |
25.2% |
|
Total
|
|
100.0%
(302)
|
100.0%
(39)
|
100.0%
(341)
|
Table
44. The Relationship of
Playing with Partner's Genitals to
Parent's Marital Status
|
|
Played with
partner's genitals with hands?
|
Total |
|
Yes |
No |
|
|
Parent's marital
status
|
Married |
74.0% |
78.2% |
75.0% |
|
Separated
Divorced
Widowed
|
26.0% |
21.8% |
25.06% |
|
Total
|
|
100.0%
(262)
|
100.0%
(78)
|
100.0%
(340)
|
Table
45. The Relationship of Giving Oral
Sex to Parent's Marital Status
|
|
Ever given
oral sex?
|
Total |
|
Yes |
No |
|
|
Parent's marital
status
|
Married |
74.7% |
75.5% |
75.1% |
|
Separated
Divorced
Widowed
|
25.3% |
24.5% |
24.9% |
|
Total
|
|
100.0%
(190)
|
100.0%
(147)
|
100.0%
(337)
|
Table
46. The Relationship of Taking Oral
Sex to Parent's Marital Status
|
|
Ever taken oral sex?
|
Total |
|
Yes |
No |
|
|
Parent's marital
status
|
Married |
72.3% |
79.7% |
75.2% |
|
Separated
Divorced
Widowed
|
27.7% |
20.3% |
24.8% |
|
Total
|
|
100.0%
(206)
|
100.0%
(133)
|
100.0%
(339)
|
However, as shown in Table
47, receiving petting was related to parents'
marital status (χ2=4.52,
p=.034). For youth who had
married parents, somewhat more youth than
expected did not receive petting (84.4%) as
compared with those who received petting
(72.5%), but these percentages did not
differ in a statistically significant way
from chance. On the other hand, for
youth who had parents who were separated,
divorced or widowed, more youth than
expected received petting (27.5%) as
compared with youth who did not receive
petting (15.6%).
Table
47. The Relationship of Partner
Playing with Genitals to Parent's Marital
Status
|
|
Partner
played with your genitals with hands?
|
Total |
|
Yes |
No |
|
|
Parent's marital
status
|
Married |
72.5% |
84.4% |
75.2% |
|
Separated
Divorced
Widowed
|
27.5% |
15.6% |
24.8% |
|
Total
|
|
100.0%
(262)
|
100.0%
(77)
|
100.0%
(339)
|
As shown by Table
48, sexual intercourse
was also related to parent's marital
status. For youth who were from intact
homes, more youth than expected did not have
sexual intercourse (83.6%) as compared with
youth who had intercourse (64.0%). For
youth who came from non-intact homes, more
youth than expected had sexual intercourse
(36.0%) as compared with youth who did not
have intercourse (16.4%) (χ2=17.10,
p<.001).
Table
48. The Relationship of Sexual
Intercourse to Parent's Marital Status
|
|
Ever
had sexual
intercourse?
|
Total |
|
Yes |
No |
|
|
Parent's marital
status
|
Married |
64.0% |
83.6% |
74.9% |
|
Separated
Divorced
Widowed
|
36.0% |
16.4% |
25.1% |
|
Total
|
|
100.0%
(150)
|
100.0%
(189)
|
100.0%
(339)
|
Since previous research has shown a
gender difference with respect to parental
marital status, an additional analysis was
conducted, as shown in Table 49.
Gender differences are evident: considering
youth coming from non-intact homes, when males
are compared with females, there is twice
the percentage difference between youth
who had intercourse and those who did not (χ2=14.13,
p<.001). For males from non-intact
homes, more youth than expected had
intercourse (38.8%) as compared with
youth who did not (12.3%). For
females from non-intact homes, more youth
than expected had intercourse (32.2%) as
compared with youth who did not
(19.0%). For
males from intact homes, more youth than
expected did not have intercourse (87.7%)
as compared with youth who had intercourse
(61.2%). For females from intact
homes, more youth than expected did not
have intercourse (81.0%) as compared with
youth who did (67.7%), but these
differences were not significantly
different from chance.
Table
49.
The
Relationship
of
Sexual
Intercourse
to
Parent's
Marital
Status
and
Gender
|
|
Ever
had sexual intercourse? |
Total |
|
Gender |
Parent's marital
status |
Yes
|
No
|
|
|
Male
|
Married
|
61.2% |
87.7%
|
73.4% |
|
Separated
Divorced
Widowed |
38.8% |
12.3%
|
26.6% |
|
|
Total |
100.0%
(85) |
100.0%
(73) |
100.0%
(158) |
|
Female
|
Married
|
67.7% |
81.0% |
76.2% |
|
Separated
Divorced
Widowed |
32.3% |
19.0% |
23.8% |
|
|
Total |
100.0%
(65) |
100.0%
(116) |
100.0%
(181) |
The
marital
status
of
the
youth’s
parents
is
related
to
abstinence
but
only
with
respect
to
receiving petting and sexual
intercourse.
The
youth
who
abstain
from
receiving petting and sexual
intercourse
have
more
parents
who
have
stayed
married
whereas
youth
who
have
received petting and have had
sexual
intercourse
have
more
parents
who
are
separated,
divorced
or
widowed.
Again,
the
differences
are
practically
significant.
However,
masturbation,
fantasizing
and
the
other
interpersonal
sexual
behaviors
are
independent
of
the
marital
status
of
parents.
It is not altogether clear why receiving
petting was the only non-intercourse sexual
behavior related to parent's marital
status. The key cell that contributed
to the statistically significant difference
involved the youths from non-intact homes
and who abstained from receiving
petting. The percentage was less than
expected.
Currently,
there
is
a
hot
debate
going
on
between
two
nationally
recognized
authorities
regarding
the
effect
of
divorce
on
children
and
teens.
E.
Mavis
Hetherington
and
John
Kelly
(2002)
have
published
a
book,
For
Better
or
For
Worse:
Divorce
Reconsidered,
that
suggests
that
while
destructive
in
the
short-term,
divorce
can
also
be
positive,
creating
new
opportunities
for
long-term
personal
growth.
However,
they
recognize
that
divorce
poses
a
special
risk
to
adolescents.
Judith
Wallerstein
and
others
(2000),
in
The
Unexpected
Legacy
of
Divorce,
suggest
that,
contrary
to
the
popular
belief
that
kids
would
bounce
back
after
the
initial
pain
of
their
parents'
split,
children
of
divorce
often
continue
to
suffer
well
into
adulthood.
Their
pain
plays
out
in
their
relationships,
their
work
lives
and
their
confidence
about
parenting
themselves.
In
the
present
study,
it
seems
abundantly
clear
that
divorce,
separation,
and
even
widowhood,
has
a
strong
negative
relationship
to
abstinence
among
Christian
youth.
Previous
studies have shown that not living with both
biological parents is a predictor of early
sexual intercourse (Capaldi,
Crosby, & Stoolmiller [1996]; Smith
[1997]; Metzler,
et. al. [1994]; Billy, Brewster
& Grady [1994]; Fergusson, Horwood & Lynsky
[1994]; Miller
& Moore [1990]). However, Newcomer & Udry
(1987) showed differential effects for boys
and girls. Boys were significantly
more likely to initiate sex after the
parents separated due to the disruption
effect and not the state of being
in a single-mother household. Girls
were also significantly more likely to have
intercourse, but it was due to the state
of being in a single-mother
household. The disruption surrounding
marital separation and divorce is a pivotal
time when the single parent either loses
control of the boy or he becomes more
independent. It should be noted that
the data collected from the Christian
college sample does not follow
Newcomer & Udry's finding that girls are
just as likely as boys to initiate sex after
parental separation. Although
intercourse rates increase for girls, the
increase for girls is about half that of
boys.
There is one
additional analysis that is worthy of
attention--the relationship between
masturbation and other sexual behaviors. Is
masturbation associated with increased or
decreased levels of fantasy, petting, oral sex
or sexual intercourse? Controversy surrounds
the practice of masturbation, and many suggest
that masturbation begins a slippery slope
toward increased sexual behaviors and
promiscuity.
Do Youth Who
Have Masturbated Engage in More Sexual
Behaviors Than Youth Who Have Not Masturbated?
As shown in
Tables 50 through 53, four of the sexual
behaviors were related to
masturbation. Two of the behaviors
showed
similar
trends
as the other
behaviors but did not reach statistical
significance.
Table
50
reveals that for those youth who had
masturbated, more youth said they had sexual
fantasies than not. For
youth who had not masturbated, many more said
they had not had sexual fantasies than had.
(χ2=18.15,
p<.001).
Table
50
The Relation of Masturbation to Sexual Fantasy
|
|
Ever had a sexual
fantasy? |
Total |
|
Yes |
No |
|
|
Ever masturbated? |
Yes |
67.1% |
62.5% |
63.0% |
|
No |
32.9% |
67.5% |
37.0% |
|
Total |
|
100.0%
(301) |
100.0%
(40) |
100.0%
(341) |
As shown in
Table 51, for those youth who had masturbated,
more said that they had played with a partner’s
genitals than said they had not. For
youth who had not masturbated, more said they
had not petted than petted (χ2
=5.18, p=.023).
Table
51.
The Relation of Masturbation to Playing with
Partner's Genitals
|
|
Played with
partner's genitals with hands? |
Total |
|
Yes |
No |
|
|
Ever masturbated? |
Yes |
65.9% |
51.9% |
62.5% |
|
No |
34.1% |
47.5% |
37.5% |
|
Total |
|
100.0%
(258) |
100.0%
(81) |
100.0%
(339) |
Table
52
reveals that for those youth who had
masturbated, more said their partner had
played with their genitals than not. For those youth
who had not masturbated, more said their
partner had not played with their genitals
than had (χ2
= 4.68, p=.030).
Table
52. The Relation of Masturbation to
Partner Playing with Genitals
|
|
Partner played with
your genitals with hands? |
Total |
|
Yes |
No |
|
|
Ever masturbated? |
Yes |
65.9% |
52.5% |
62.7% |
|
No |
34.1% |
47.5% |
37.3% |
|
Total |
|
100.0%
(258) |
100.0%
(80) |
100.0%
(338) |
Table
53
reveals that masturbation was positively
related to giving oral sex. For those
youth who masturbated, more gave oral sex than
did not. For youth who had not masturbated,
more did not give oral sex than give it (χ2=
7.28, p=.007).
Table
53.
The Relation of Masturbation to Giving Oral
Sex
|
|
Ever given oral sex? |
Total |
|
Yes |
No |
|
|
Ever masturbated? |
Yes |
68.8% |
54.4% |
62.5% |
|
No |
31.2% |
45.6% |
37.5% |
|
Total |
|
100.0%
(189) |
100.0%
(147) |
100.0%
(336) |
Table
54
reveals that for those youth who had
masturbated, more youth said they had taken
oral sex than had not taken oral sex.
For those youth who had not masturbated, more
had not taken oral sex than had taken oral
sex. Although these differences were
consistent with the other relationships above,
they failed to meet statistical significance (χ2=3.11,
p=.078).
Table
54.
The Relation of Masturbation to Taking Oral
Sex
|
|
Ever taken oral sex? |
Total |
|
Yes |
No |
|
|
Ever masturbated? |
Yes |
68.8% |
54.4% |
62.5% |
|
No |
31.2% |
45.6% |
37.5% |
|
Total |
|
100.0%
(203) |
100.0%
(135) |
100.0%
(338) |
Tables
55 reveals that for youth who had masturbated,
more had sexual intercourse than did
not. For youth who had not masturbated,
more youth did not have intercourse than
did. However, these differences,
although trending in the same direction as the
other relationships reported above, do not reach statistical
significance (χ2=2.00,
p=.158).
Table
55.
The Relation of Masturbation to Sexual
Intercourse
|
|
Ever had sexual
intercourse? |
Total |
|
Yes |
No |
|
|
Ever masturbated? |
Yes |
68.8% |
54.4% |
62.5% |
|
No |
31.2% |
45.6% |
37.5% |
|
Total |
|
100.0%
(145) |
100.0%
(192) |
100.0%
(337) |
It would appear that masturbation is
related to increased levels of fantasy.
Since the majority of individuals who
masturbate use fantasy during masturbation,
this comes as no surprise. It also appears
that masturbation is related to increased
levels of petting. Youth who abstain from
masturbation engage in less petting while
those who masturbate engage in more petting.
With respect to oral sex, the results are
mixed. Masturbation appears to be related to
increased levels of giving oral sex, but not
taking oral sex. There is no reasonable
explanation for this difference.
Masturbation is also not related to sexual
intercourse. Youth who do not masturbate
show neither increased nor decreased levels
of sexual intercourse, as compared with
youth who masturbate. It must be stressed
that these data do not suggest that
masturbation causes increased levels of
other sexual behaviors, as other unmeasured
variables undoubtedly influence these
behaviors, such as level of
sexual drive, amount of conservatism and
close-mindedness, unrecognized and
unexpressed emotions such as boredom, anger
and anxiety, and perhaps, the amount of
desire to abstain from sexual intercourse. However, can parents and
pastors give a collective sigh of relief
from a review of these data? Hardly!
Most likely, the same dynamics that push
youth toward masturbation also push them
toward interpersonal sexual behaviors
Masturbation serves as a "red
flag" that the youth has a higher risk
of engaging in petting and oral sex.
Do
Christian
College
Youth
Behave
Similarly
to
Secular
College
Youth?
Schwartz
(1999)
reported
an
interesting
study
that
reported
research
findings
from
data
collected
from
several
Northeastern
college
and
university
human
sexuality
and
health
classes
in
1995-1996.
Of
special
interest
in
this
study
was
the
sexual
practices
prior
to
coital
initiation.
They
surveyed
120
males
and
191
females
from
two
public
and
two
private
colleges.
The
Schwartz
study
specifically
excluded
virgins
since
they
"were
unable
to
report
the
entire
range
of
precoital
sexual
behaviors
they
might
engage
in
prior
to
their
first
coital
experience."
The
Twelker
(2002)
research
questionnaire
specifically
stated
to
the
respondents
that
the
survey
was
designed
for
unmarried
teenagers,
and
that
if
they
were
married,
they
were
to
answer
the
questions
as
if
they
were
engaged,
one
month
before
marriage.
This
was
done
to
prevent
inflating
and
distorting
the
various
premarital
sexual
behavior
rates.
Since
Schwartz's
study
excluded
non-virgins,
the
Twelker
data
were
analyzed
in
two
ways,
one
excluding
non-virgins
and
one
excluding
virgins,
as
was
the
case
with
the
Schwartz
study.
This
Christian
college
virgin
sub-sample
included
86
males
and
129
females,
while
the
non-virgin
sub-sample
included
84
males
and
70
females.
It
should
be
emphasized
that
both
studies
used
convenience
samples
that
makes
generalization
to
larger
student
populations
extremely
risky.
Since
two
different
studies
were
compared,
statistical
tests
of
significance
were
not
conducted.
With
respect
to
masturbation,
Table
56
reveals
that
there
were
hardly
any
difference
between
males
in
the
two
studies.
However,
non-virgin
females
in
the
Christian
college
beat
out
their
secular
college
counterparts
by
about
22
percent
while
the
virgin
females
in
the
Christian
college
beat
out
the
secular
college
females
by
9
percent.
Males
outnumbered
females
about
two-to-one
in
both
studies.
Table
56.
Comparison
of
Masturbation
Behaviors
Between
Two
Samples
of
College
Youth
| Research
Study |
Male |
Female |
| Schwartz
(1999)
(Non-virgins) |
85.0% |
36.6% |
| Twelker
(2002)
(Virgins) |
87.2% |
45.7% |
| Twelker
(2002)
(Non-virgins) |
72.8% |
58.2% |
With
respect
to
giving
petting,
Table
57
reveals
that
the
secular
college
students
showed
more
petting
behaviors,
with
no
sex
differences.
Sixty-two
percent
of
the
virgin
Christian
males
gave
petting
as
compared
with
88
percent
of
the
secular
college
males.
Sixty-two
percent
of
the
virgin
Christian
college
females
gave
petting
as
compared
with
85
percent
of
the
secular
college
females. However,
when
the
non-virgin
Christian
sub-sample
is
examined,
the
differences
disappear,
and
the
Christian
sample
appears
to
be
more
sexually
active
with
respect
to
giving
petting
than
the
secular
sample.
Table
57.
Comparison
of
Giving
Petting
Behaviors
Between
Two
Samples
of
College
Youth
| Research
Study |
Male |
Female |
| Schwartz
(1999)
(Non-virgins) |
87.5% |
84.8% |
| Twelker
(2002)
(Virgins) |
61.1% |
62.3% |
| Twelker
(2002)
(Non-virgins) |
95.2% |
97.1% |
With
respect
to
receiving
petting,
Table
58
reveals
that
there
appears
to
be
a
gender
difference
between
the
two
studies.
There
is
a
large
difference
between
the
Christian
college
virgin
sample
and
the
secular
sample
for
males,
but
not
for
females.
When
the
Christian
college
non-virgin
sample
is
examined,
once
again
we
see
little
difference
at
all
between
the
two
studies
except
for
the
females
where
the
sex
difference
is
all
but
wiped
out
in
the
Christian
non-virgin
sample.
Table
58
Comparison
of
Receiving
Petting
Behaviors
Between
Two
Samples
of
College
Youth
| Research
Study |
Male |
Female |
| Schwartz
(1999)
(Non-virgins) |
90.0% |
57.1% |
| Twelker
(2002)
(Virgins) |
61.6% |
61.2% |
| Twelker
(2002)
(Non-virgins) |
100% |
97.1% |
Table
59
reveals
a
large
difference
in
giving
oral
sex
between
the
two
samples.
Thirty-three
percent
of
the
Christian
college
males
gave
oral
sex
as
compared
with
70
percent
of
the
secular
college
males.
Thirty-nine
percent
of
the
Christian
college
females
gave
oral
sex
as
compared
with
57
percent
of
the
secular
college
females.
But
when
the
Christian
college
non-virgin
sample
is
compared
with
the
secular
college
sample,
the
Christian
sample
rates
highest
on
giving
oral
sex,
especially
the
females.
Table
59.
Comparison
of
Giving
Oral
Sex
Behaviors
Between
Two
Samples
of
College
Youth
| Research
Study |
Male |
Female |
| Schwartz
(1999)
(Non-virgins) |
70.0% |
56.5% |
| Twelker
(2002)
(Virgins) |
33.3% |
39.2% |
| Twelker
(2002)
(Non-virgins) |
78.3% |
87.1% |
As
revealed
in
Table
60,
there
was
a
large
difference
between
the
two
samples.
Thirty-eight
percent
of
the
Christian
college
males
received
oral
sex
as
compared
with
68
percent
of
the
secular
college
males.
Forty-two
percent
of
the
Christian
college
females
received
oral
sex
as
compared
with
57
percent
of
the
secular
college
females.
The
Christian
college
non-virgin
sample
clearly
has
the
highest
rates
of
receiving
oral
sex,
and
once
again,
there
is
no
sex
difference.
Table
60.
Comparison
of
Receiving
Oral
Sex
Behaviors
Between
Two
Samples
of
College
Youth
| Research
Study |
Male |
Female |
| Schwartz
(1999)
(Non-virgins) |
68.3% |
57.1% |
| Twelker
(2002)
(Virgins) |
38.4% |
41.9% |
| Twelker
(2002)
(Non-virgins) |
88.1% |
87.1% |
When
the
Christian
college
virgin
sample
is
compared
with
the
Schwartz
sample,
it
appears
that
with
the
exception
of
masturbation
behaviors,
Christian
college
youth
are
behind
their
secular
counterparts
in
all
of
the
interpersonal
sexual
behaviors.
Yet,
when
the
Christian
college
non-virgin
sample
is
examined,
we
find
that
their
use
of
precoital
sexual
behaviors
is
consistently
higher
than
the
secular
college
youth,
especially
among
the
females.
Schwartz
indicates
that
precoital
sexual
behaviors
are
nearly
universal
among
young
adults
who
have
not
had
sexual
intercourse.
This
analysis
would
support
that
premise
but
only
as
it
pertains
to
masturbation.
Petting
in
the
Christian
college
virgin
sample
involved
about
61
percent
of
the
youth
while
oral
sex
involved,
on
the
average,
about
38
percent
of
the
youth
who
had
not
initiated
coitus.
Common?
Yes.
Universal?
Not
really.
Only
when
the
non-virgin
Christian
college
youth
sample
(and
the
non-virgin
secular
college
youth)
are
examined
does
one
find
rates
of
noncoital
sexual
behavior
approaching
universality.
One
cannot
help
but
wonder
what
effect
the
sampling
procedures
had
on
these
results.
The
Schwartz
research
excluded
a
subset
of
subjects
that
would
have
dropped
the
rates
of
sexual
behavior.
It
would
be
expected
that
the
full
range
of
precoital
behaviors
would
be
part
of
the
territory
for
youth
engaging
in
coital
intercourse.
One
would
think
that
only
sampling
virgins
would
provide
a
different,
and
possibly
more
accurate
measure
of
precoital
sexual
behaviors
among
youth
prior
to
coital
initiation.
This
comparison
points
up
the
difficulties
in
comparing
data
from
different
studies.
Unless
the
research
method
is
clearly
understood,
any
perceived
differences
may
be
attributable
to
sampling
procedures
instead
of
or
in
addition
to
differences
in
the
behavior
of
youth.
A
concern
that
was
addressed
by
Schwartz
and
is
shared
by
this
researcher
is
that
some
of
these
precoital
sexual
behaviors
carry
the
risk
of
transmitting
STDs.
Yet,
these
precoital
behaviors
are
largely
ignored
in
prevention
efforts.
The
message
that
must
accompany
the
abstinence
(from
sexual
intercourse)
program
is
that
every
other
interpersonal
sexual
behavior
carries
its
own
risk,
both
of
disease
and
possibly
pregnancy.
If
the
goals
of
an
abstinence
program
were
achieved,
as
measured
by
reduction
in
rates
of
sexual
intercourse,
it
would
not
be
surprising
to
see
the
maintenance
of
high
levels
of
STDs.
Reflections
In summary, expectation of wanting to marry a virgin and
influence of parents' thinking, are strongly related
to all of the sexual behaviors. Faith is
strongly related to all of the interpersonal
sexual behaviors. The parents’ marital
status is strongly related to receiving
petting and sexual
intercourse only. Guilt is strongly related
to masturbation only. Parents, pastors and
youth workers who rely on laying guilt trips
on youth are using an ineffective and
misguided approach. The emphasis on
strengthening faith in Christ and
reestablishing the Christian subculture’s
norms on sexual behavior seem to be much
more effective in fostering abstinence.
Unfortunately, of the five factors, the
marital status of parents is probably the
one factor currently most immune to
influence by the church. Rather,
pastors and youth workers should look for
damage-control interventions with youth
instead.
The one factor that was not measured in
the present study was sexual ideology3, and
this factor was one of the most important in
determining youth's sexual expressions,
according to DeLamater and
MacCorquodale (1979). They argued that
ideology forms the basis of
self-control. This makes sense because
the setting of goals is clearly an important
first step in self-control, and the setting
of goals cannot be accomplished in a
vacuum. Many youth either set no goals
or they set impossibly high goals.
Besides goal-setting, youth need to be aware
if their behavior is failing to meet their
standards. This awareness involves
self-knowledge or self-awareness which is
often resisted by youth (and adults) because
they really do not want to know a lot of
information about themselves. Often
times, the truth hurts. But the more
youth can overcome the
"head-in-the-sand" trait, the
better they can develop self
control.
Thus we come full-circle
to the importance of youth understanding the
one-flesh union concept. The church, in my opinion, is losing the
fight in its stand for sexual purity because
it does not acknowledge and proclaim the
crucial role that sexual intercourse plays
in the establishment of the one-flesh union,
a type of blood covenant. Since the
church does not level with its young people
concerning how the one-flesh union is
formed, it is left with communicating
concepts of questionable impact (for
example, premarital sex and technical
virginity), and pathetic, unworkable models
of self-regulation (for example, "Just
say no"). Our culture is ready
and able to fill this void with lifestyle
models that appear rational and appealing to
Christian youth, that allow for instant
self-gratification, and that allow for an
uneasy truce with a belief system of shallow
convenience.
I believe that many young people are
starving for information on
Biblically-consistent perspectives on
sexuality. They know the questions to ask,
but they are not receiving the answers. My
challenge to the church and its young people
is simple--recognize the primacy of the
one-flesh union concept in guiding the
making of sexual decisions. Realize that
continuing the status quo will not only
postpone the adoption of a lifestyle that is
truly God-honoring, it will prevent adoption
of a lifestyle that has the highest
probability of bringing true personal
satisfaction over the long run. The creation
of a counterfeit one-flesh union poses
intolerable tradeoffs of immense
significance that jeopardize the very
foundations of future relationship building.
Even more importantly, a counterfeit
one-flesh union calls into question the most
important union of all--the union of the
believer with Christ. How long must we
tolerate selling out our youth to
simplistic, legalistic answers and
high-sounding religious pronouncements that
have little or no impact in their search for
identity?
Note: Research on the sexual attitudes of this sample is
reported in a separate paper (Twelker,
2003).
References
Bailey,
Derrick S. (1952). The Mystery of Love
and Marriage. New York: Harper.
Bailey,
Nathan (1997-2000). Dating vs.
Courtship: Part 1. Internet resource
available at
URL: http://polynate.net/books/courtship/
Balswick,
Judith K & Balswick, Jack O. (1999). Authentic
Human Sexuality: An Integrated Christian
Approach. Downers Grove: InterVarsity
Press.
Billy,
John O. G., Brewster, Karin L. &
Grady, William R. (1994). Contextual
Effects on the Sexual Behavior of Adolescent
Women. Journal of Marriage and Family 56:
381-404.
Burke,
John (no date). The Blood Covenant!
Internet resource available at URL: http://www.carlsbadnm.com/johnburk/BldCvnt.htm
Campolo,
Tony (1985).
Christian Ethics in the Sexual
Wilderness. Youthworker,
Winter 1985. Internet resource
available at URL: http://www.youthspecialties.com/ywj/articles/sexuality/ethics.html
Capaldi,
Deborah M., Crosby, Lynn, & Stoolmiller,
Mike (1996). Predicting the Timing of First
Sexual Intercourse for At-Risk Adolescent
Males. Child Development 67:
344-359.
Coles,
Robert & Stokes, Geoffrey (1985). Sex
and the American Teenager. New York:
Harper Colophon Books.
DeLamater,
John & MacCorquodale, Patricia (1979). Premarital
sexuality: Attitudes, relationships,
behavior. Madison: University of
Wisconsin Press.
Fergusson,
David M., Horwood, John & Lynsky,
Michael T. (1994). Parental
Separation, Adolescent Psychopathology, and
Problem Behaviors. Journal of the
American Academy of Child and Adolescent
Psychiatry 33: 1122-1131.
Forlines,
F. Leroy (2001). The Quest for
Truth: Answering Life's Inescapable
Questions. Nashville: Randall
House.
Glenn,
Norval
&
Marquardt,
Elizabeth
(2001)
Hooking
Up,
Hanging
Out
and
Hoping
for
Mr.
Right:
College
Women
on
Mating
and
Dating
Today.
New
York,
New
York:
Institute
for
American
Values.
Internet
resource
available
at
URL
http://www.americanvalues.org/Hooking_Up.pdf
Greenberg,
B., Brown, J. & Buerkel-Rothfuss, N.
(1993), Media, sex and the
adolescent. Cresskill, N. J.: Hampton
Press.
Harris,
L. (1986). American teens speak:
Sex, myths, TV and birth control. New
York: Planned Parenthood.
Hetherington,
E. Mavis & Kelly, John (2002). For
Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered
New York: W. W. Norton and Co.
Joy, Donald M. (1986) Rebonding: Preventing
and Restoring Damaged Relationships. Waco:
Word Books
Kass,
Leon R. (1997) Courtship’s End. Chicago
Tribune Magazine, February 9, 20 &
21-23.
Kaufman,
Dale (2001) Is Masturbation a Sin? Youthworker
November/December. Internet resource
available at URL http://www.youthspecialties.com/ywj/articles/sexuality/masturbation.html
Kuriansky,
Judy (1995) Generation Sex: America’s
Hottest Sex Therapist Answers the Honest
Questions About Sex. New York:
HarperCollins.
Lye,
John (1997). Ideology: A Brief Guide.
Internet resource available at http://www.brocku.ca/english/jlye/ideology.html
Lowry,
D. & Towles, D. (1989). Soap opera
|