The Biblical Design for Marriage: The Creation, Distortion and Redemption of Equality, Differentiation, Unity and Complementarity

Paul A. Twelker
Professor Emeritus of Psychology
Trinity College
Trinity International University

These chapters examine the biblical concept of the one-flesh union, the evolution of marriage through the centuries, and implications for our culture today.

Introduction

For years, when I considered the passages in the Bible dealing with the one-flesh concept, I automatically thought of marriage. After all, I was taught like countless millions before that God ordained marriage in the Genesis Creation narrative and that He "married" Adam and Eve. I found this perception served me rather well until I tried to sort out the answers to such questions as:

• What really is marriage?
• What are the minimal conditions that distinguish the marital from the non-marital state?
• Is sexual intercourse one of these minimal conditions? What does the Bible really mean when it talks about the one-flesh relationship?
• Does the one-flesh relationship as mentioned in Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:6, Ephesians 5:31 and other passages really refer to marriage?
• To sexual intercourse?
• To something more?
• What establishes the one-flesh relationship?
• Are the conditions that establish the one-flesh relationship the same as those that establish marriage?
• Is the one-flesh union between a prostitute and a man the same as between a wife and a husband?

The answers to these questions are significant for they help us consider the true nature of our sexuality and the critical ethical and psychological issues facing our society today. If we have a clear understanding of the scriptural concept of marriage, then we will be better able to understand relationships on either side of marriage, i.e., premarital relationships and postmarital (divorce) relationships. Further, we are able to place the sexual component of marriage and the one-flesh relationship into proper perspective.

In the Spring semester of 1994, I was granted a sabbatical leave by Trinity International University to pursue study of the meaning of one-flesh bond and its relationship to marriage. My wife and I returned to our Oregon mountain home where I established a sabbatical routine of study, library trips, writing and reflecting. In order to shed light on the one-flesh passages in Genesis, Matthew, Mark, I Corinthians and Ephesians, I examined the cultures to whom these passages were addressed. The early Hebrew history was reviewed to shed light on how the early Hebrews married. I then explored the cultural context for early Christian marriage. This involved a review of both Greek and Roman customs. In addition, I looked forward several hundred years to the views that our early Church fathers held on the subject.

On my way to examining the meaning of the one-flesh relationship, I took a diversion to explore the fascinating question of sexual consciousness before the Fall. Many of our early Church fathers maintained that Adam and Eve were sexless as originally created. Understanding the roots of this controversy helps us interpret the one-flesh passages. I also examined the Genesis Creation and Fall narratives to attempt to determine the biblical underpinnings of God's design for marriage. This study led me into a fascinating study of Jewish thought relating to marriage. Finally, I focused on Paul's letter to the Ephesians, especially Chapter 5.

I cannot tell you the exact time during my study that I found myself on my knees asking forgiveness for my attitudes and my distortions of my own marital bond. But the setting is clearly etched in my mind. In my loft study, with Mt. Jefferson's snowy peak looming through the pines, I had been feeling an overwhelming perception of order and understanding. I realized the beauty of God's original design for men and women in a one-flesh bond as created for the inhabitants in Eden. That same beauty was originally meant for you and I. But as the storm clouds gathered over that majestic mountain, I was gripped with grief and despair. Through the pages of the Bible and the histories of ancient cultures that I had immersed myself in, the undeniable truth dawned on me that the ways that men and women distort God's design for marriage were not limited to the pages of history. The distortions of history were my distortions, my sins. My marriage of some thirty years was racked with distortion that knew no bounds. The entrance of sin into the idyllic peace of Eden created nothing less than a nightmare where personal significance was transformed into arrogance and personal security into insecurity. There was no escaping the distortion. I was part of it. And to make matters worse, I felt totally inept of even managing the first step toward rectifying the distortions that I so easily embraced.

I presented my basic conclusions in a series of two messages at the Chapel in the Pines, a tiny community church in Camp Sherman, Oregon. At the conclusion of the second message, a long-time friend approached me and simply said, "I have work to do." That echoed my sentiments exactly. We all have work to do when it comes to male-female relationships. Diligent work, hard work, mind-shattering work. The distortions of God's design for marriage are deeply ingrained.

After several years of mulling over issues of adolescent sexuality, in the Spring of 2001, while burdened with a twelve-credit overload, my obsessive-compulsiveness got the upper hand and I drafted a seventh chapter on youth and sexual ethics.  Through the weeks, this chapter evolved in very strange ways.  I found myself intrigued with the concept of blood covenant, and found that the one-flesh union seemed to fit the requirements of the blood covenant admirably. It also had relevance to the topic of virginity and sexual expressions before marriage.  Also, I took the opportunity to integrate some findings from an on-going research project on adolescent sexual attitudes and behavior as they relate to fostering abstinence.  This chapter will surely spark some controversy, but I am ready for it.  I encourage you to communicate your feedback to me on this important topic.   

The chapters that follow are not easy reading. They are drafts that document my thinking about the one-flesh union that was cut short by time limitations. My prayer is two-fold: one, that you will read them with an open mind, and two, that you will be challenged in your beliefs about how men and women should relate to each other.

Go to Top
Go to Index
Go to Chapter 1 Early Israelite History

Readers of this document are permitted to download any portion provided "all such use is for . . . personal noncommercial benefit." Please cite the document as follows: Twelker, Paul A. (1998). The Biblical Design for Marriage: The Creation, Distortion and Redemption of Equality, Differentiation, Unity and Complementarity: Introduction. Internet resource available at URL: <http://kamsandsinfo.com/Professional/BDFMInt.htm> (last updated March 07, 2009 ). Copyright © 1998, 2001 Paul A. Twelker.